I’m not an impulse buyer, especially not when it comes to expensive items such as equipment. I actually feel anxious about a big purchase. I’ll decide to order something, right? And then at the last minute I’ll cancel the order procedure, because I need to think about it just a little while longer. Or maybe read some more reviews, just in case. And the next day, this cycle will repeat itself until finally at some point – yes, I will buy what I want.

I don’t know what it is. I’m not particularly frugal. You should see me when I buy clothes for my kids. I’ll go nuts. What even is a budget? But with bigger purchases, perhaps there’s a bigger risk of it being a bad purchase. And it feels like more of an indulgence to spend hundreds of euros on something for myself. Now – as a mom – more than ever before. 

Last year I bought the Lensbaby Burnside 35mm with a Petzval-like swirly bokeh effect. (It took me about 2 months before I finally decided to do it. Yeah.) And when I got it, I kinda felt… deflated. Not because the lens isn’t gorgeous, but maybe it wasn’t the right fit for me. I just couldn’t figure out what to do with it, even though I saw its potential. I’d figure it out later, but had been feeling a bit of buyer’s remorse. 

Cut to end of April this year, and my daughter quite suddenly wanted to pose for the camera and do a “photoshoot”… and I remembered I had the Burnside and figured, why not grab it and do some shots with that, see what happens?

And it’s such a beautiful lens for portraits! It really is. This one is slightly quirky (with a vignette function as well as the swirly bokeh), which works so well with my kid’s personality. So while at the time I didn’t really know it, it was meant to be Rosalie’s portrait lens. These shots were mostly just tests (we did her first “real” photoshoot the next day with a 50mm lens) but I love them, so much. Buyer’s remorse remorse is a real thing, so it would seem. 


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